it has taken me approximately seven months to train and control my mental musings and emotional dramas of Him who shall not be named. i have, or so i thought, controlled my fantastic illusions of love and lust and everything in between. i have willed my mind to grow up and forget about all the sappy girly fantasies of him, willed my brain to trick my heart into believing that He was just a phase— a passing figure in an insignificant circumtance in my life. i thought my mind had won the battle against my stubborn and stupid little heart.
in moments of silence, even more in moments of solitude, i think of him… not as passionately as before… but he still affects me in a way that no one else ever had. i can’t explain it. i can’t make sense out of it. even i sound extremely delusional to myself, succumbing to teenage drama when i’m no longer a teenager. crap. pinch me, talk sense into me, kick me, slap me and punch me in the head.
i am bored. and i don’t want to be bored because i end up doing things i really don’t want to do like saturate my blog space, waste money on the internet, arrange dusty old diskettes… or think of the person i should not be thinking about…
i will not think of him.i will not think of him.i will not think of him.i will not think of him.i will not think of him.i will not think of him.