Too Old for This!

You are getting old.

 

You know you are getting old when you have started to worry about grown-up things like money and bills and birth control and wrinkles. You know you’re getting old when busboys and security guards have stopped calling you ‘day and started calling you ma’am. You know you’re getting old when people start mistaking you for your 41-year-old mother. You know you’re getting old when you start feeling spastic aches and pains on your body, like your chest, your back and your limbs. You know you’re getting old when your size 25 pants won’t fit past your flabby thighs. You know you’re getting old when your Saturday night mini-skirts and itsy-bitsy tube tops are rotting away at the corner of your closet. You know you’re getting old when you actually start listening to the priest’s sermons and stop checking out the hottie sitting three pews in front of you at church. You know you’re getting old when your friends start having babies and start comparing motherhood notes. You know you’re getting old when hip-hop starts to sound noisy to your ears. You know you’re getting old when your Barbies and PollyPockets and Legos become untouchables and collectibles rather than playthings. You know you’re getting when you start sharing clothes with your mother. You know you’re getting old when you have no idea how to operate the god-forsaken IPod. You know you’re getting old when you stop drinking beer and start ordering iced tea. You know you’re getting old when you start to feel guilty about sleeping past noon. You know you’re getting old when you stop taking cherifer and start thinking about cosmetic surgery. You know you’re getting old when your lovely lady lumps in the back and in the front succumb to gravity and become saggy. You know you’re getting old when you start talking about taxes and political issues and stop talking about the hottest boybands. You know you’re getting old when your number of godchildren exceeds you’re number of fingers…

Are you getting old? I am getting old. Then again, age is a state of mind.

Excuse me while I go pluck my gray hairs.

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