i don’t do love.
and here you come knocking on my heart like some insipid bastard who wishes to conquer the jaded world i so comfortably live in.
you think you can change me? you think you can turn my perfect little sordid world upside down? you think you can run through my titanium encased cynical little head? you think you can break through the massive cemented wall i’ve successfully built around my stupid heart?
i’ve seen it all. i’ve heard it all. and i’ve felt it all before. this is nothing new to me. you are but one of the idiotic dweebs who think they can mount the insurmountable.
YOU are messing with my mind, buddy.
i don’t like waiting for you to make up that playboy head of yours. i don’t like waiting for your sweet text messages or emails or calls or whatever bullcrap it is that you do because i know you’re leading me on. i.don’t.like.waiting.for.you.
you see, everytime i find myself falling for someone, i get the uncontrollable urge to raise my lovely little leg and kick myself in the head for being lured once again into a trap that i know of all too well. you fall for someone and you start seeing stars before your eyes. you look at mud and see tiny heart-shaped figures. you look at big old rats and think they’re pretty little siamese cats. you look at the trash in your stinky garbage bin and feel compelled to fold them neatly like your la perla lingerie. and then all these corny delusional scenarios form in your lovestruck mind: him giving you a dozen red roses, having candlelight dinner on a secluded beach, him whispering sweet nothings into your eager ear, him flying to the moon just because you said you wanted a moon rock, him and you laughing incessantly at your versace-inspired wedding, you and him playing with your adorable cabbage patch-worthy kids…
aaahhh… the sick little fantasies we conjure up when we thin we’re in love.
precisely why i don’t do love.
you can come knocking on my heart. see if i answer.
you think you can conquer me. you could try.
you want me to wait. stick around.
you want me to care. convince me.
you want me to love you. show me what love is.