The Diary of a Fat Old Cow.

September 2005.
Weight: 80 lbs.
Status: cautiously single.
Occupation: super senior college student.
Alcohol intake: exclusively tanduay rhum and emperador brandy.long neck.
Favourite food: Kentucky Fried Chicken 24/7.
Ambition: to get a job. to earn master’s degree. be a millionaire by 25. Retire by 38.

November 2006.
Weight: 85 lbs.
Status: girls-just-wanna-have-fun-

Occupation: FTV production assistant.
Alcohol intake: rhum, brandy, vodka and red horse beer in massive quantities per day.
Favourite food: Mc Donald’s and Taters popcorn.wash down with beer.
Ambition: to expand liver function capacity. Be a millionaire by 28. Marry a rich yuppie.

May 2007.
Weight: 87 lbs.
Status: social butterfly. ( like a rockstar)
Occupation: freelancer. (ie. i just don’t know what to do with myself)
Alcohol intake: red horse beer and vodka sprite. (note to self: no to tequila.makes legs wobbly. makes stomach lurch. Leads to senseless ledge dancing. Leads to bright yellow colored vomit on your best friends feet)
Favourite food: rice with Marlboro reds.
Ambition: win the lottery.pronto.

April 2008.
Weight: 85 lbs.
Status: quasi-exclusively dating.
Occupation: full-time events coordinator. Part time girlfriend.
Alcohol intake: 60 % vodka. 30 % beer. 10 % unknown substances.
Favourite food: pasta. With chicken. And grilled pork belly. And sizzling sisig.
Ambition: to actually have an ambition.

July 2008.
Weight: 90 lbs.
Status: cheated upon.(kick myself on the head)
Occupation: events manager by day. Murderous jaded bitch by night.
Alcohol intake: all kinds of liquid except urine and septic tank stuff
Favourite food: (* i wonder how human flesh would taste like?)
Ambition: to commit the perfect murder.

January 2009.
Weight: 100 lbs.
Status: blissfully happy with moments of insecure delusions.
Occupation: workaholic by day. Alcoholic every happy hour.
Alcohol intake: see above.
Favourite food: Japanese food. Mcdonald’s. Bacon.egg.garlic rice.dimsum.popcorn.chocolates.yum.
Ambition: to gain five more pounds and buy a new laptop.

September 2009.
Weight: 117 lbs. (shit.)
Status: in a relationship with my business partner. (sexual harassment revolutionized!)
Occupation: lazy ass couch potato with a brand new laptop.
Alcohol intake: mojitoooooooos by the pitcher!
Favourite food: Japanese food.dimsum.mcdonald’s.bacon.kfc.bacon.jollibee.bacon.junk food.popcorn.chocolates.mexican food.italian food.thai food. Chinese food. Indian food. Marco polo buffet!yey! larsians barbecue. Calda pizza.yum.bacon.
Ambition: to learn how to use my bright red hula hoop.

March 2010.
Weight: (i can’t bear to look)130 lbs perhaps?
Status: eligible-bachelor-takes-pity-on-fat-old-cow.
Occupation: miserable wretch.
Alcohol intake: (can’t drink no longer. Ripped out own liver and barbecued it on new year’s eve.)
Favourite food: anything that will fit down my esophagus. Like tree barks and galvanized steel.
Ambition: gastric bypass surgery and liposuction. With cellulite removal. and maybe a little botox.
* alternatives: – hypnotism (i will not eat in the next six weeks. repeat eighteen times)
– starvation (*snort*.yeah right.)
– deportation to the nearest health spa
– exercise (it’s the thought counts. It’s the thought that counts. It’s the thought that counts. Repeat until your fats get bored with you and will molecularly detach themselves in complete and utter frustration.yey. )

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