Paradise. And Beyond.

“Welcome to luxury.” … the resort brochure states.

Yes. You have reached paradise. Let your vacation begin.

You sit on your private seaside terrace with spectacular views of greenery and landscaped blooms, meters away from the rising tide and then you start to think…

Don’t you sometimes wonder how you could possibly miss the opportunities to enjoy the simple pleasures of life? Like how the sun spectacularly sets amidst rippling cool seawaters. Or how the air smells refreshingly  pure with just a hint of ocean mist and cow dung. Or how the chirping of crickets lull you to a peaceful slumber and quasi catatonic stage. Or how the presence of your family and friends give you a warm and comfortable fuzzy feeling. This is the life. And this is how life should be. Peaceful. Content. Serene. Sober. And grateful.

With a seemingly endless selection of cable TV channels, an extraordinarily comfortable bed with 900 thread count bed sheets. The fluffiest sort of pillows that just swallow up your big city-person head. The luxurious feel of a semi-public peek-a-boo bathtub  filled with the tantalizing floral aromas out of a resort-branded bottle of bubble bath soap. Grime-free transparent shower panels manufactured to not leave anything for personal privacy. And of course, those little take-me-home hotel bottles of shampoo and bodywash for your ever growing collection of ultimate vacation memorabilia.

Yep. This is how life should be. Comfortable. Luxurious. Everyday should be a vacation.

Great concierge service means being driven to your room in a sparkly white service golf cart with a butler to carry your Speedo bags, your laptop case and the pretentious sports bag containing your smuggled goods of canned beer and assorted junkfood and the plastic of container of corned-tuna-that-you-must-have-for-breakfast-but-really-you-just-don’t-wanna-pay-for-the-1,200-pesos-per-person-for-breakfast-rate. What a nice butler you have turning a blind eye to your poor smuggling talents.

Amazing welcome services mean when they bring you your complimentary welcome drinks, they ask you if you’d prefer wine because you look like a stress-driven hag. Ah. Sympathy for alcoholic anonymous members.

Prompt delivery means when you want ice, they hand deliver it to your villa and ten minutes later because you think the ice has taken imperfect shapes and is not your desired frozen texture, they deliver another bucket pronto. Maybe if you demand an ice carving of Shaquille O’Neal, they just might give that.

Technical assistance means sending their IT person because you can’t connect to the wifi and the kind sir fixes your computer bugs as extra service. Hello free internet. Hello email. Hello Facebook. Wootwoot.

Outstanding Bar services here. You could lose your non-alcoholic resolutions at this place. An order of double shot bailey’s comes with mixed nuts with an aesthetic value worthy of Masterchef of the Universe positive criticism and if you bat your lashes the kindest bartender will give you seven extra red super plum cherries.

Superb Facilities and amenities include a 4 feet infinity pool, 3.5  feet plunge pools and numerous fountains, which spout perfectly synchronized jets of crystal clear chlorinated waters, boasting hues of royal blue which sparkle against the midday sun and becomes intensely translucent when the sun sets and darkness falls. Swimming is great physical exercise for vertebrates especially if your vertebrae falls under the scoliotic slash osteoporosis-bound category. And if you swim one lap in this pool and fail, you most definitely are on the verge of lung collapse from all the torrid smoking of your adolescence. But… BUT… don’t you worry. Beneath the contemporary and industrial designs of these hydro magnificence runs the glorious fountain of youth. Carry on. Swim forth and reproduce.

Yep. This is how life should be.

Butlers. Golf carts to ride to your room. Perfect ice. Fastest wifi ever. Beer. Baileys. Smuggling isn’t considered a crime punishable by law. Breathtaking views of the ocean when you wake up and when you sleep. Super sanitized bathrooms. Unlimited stationery. Free pens. Your own private pool. All with seven cherries on top.

But life isn’t like this.

When the vacation ends and we go home to our non-airconditioned humble abodes, the fantasy ends.

Buy one take one bedsheets from a popular local department store. Stiff neck pillows. Kabo-and-balde and a dysfunctional shower head which leaves you the impression of having someone spit on you. A refrigerator full of take-out fast food and remainders of yesterday’s lunch. An open bottle of local rhum. Freezers which take forever to produce one tray of miniature ice cubes. Disgustingly disappointing internet service provider. And ho-hum views of your next door neighbours firewall. No cherries. No pool.

But it’s your life. And you chose to live that life. And it’s your house. Moreover, it’s your home.

That tiny little piece of real estate and that old school roofing with flawed architectural home structure is the only place you could call home. With the endearing boisterousness that comes with the presence of your loved ones and the redundant yipping of your beloved canine. Yes. That is home. And you realize that no other place could ever be like this; even the most idyllic spot in the entire galaxy could never be at par with the simple excellence of your warm, lovingly built home.

You don’t actually miss the opportunities to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. You just miss the opportunities to be thankful for all the little things you take for granted everyday. Like watching obstructed views of the sunset from your shabby chic garage. Or listen to the polluted but familiar air rustling the leaves of the mango trees outside your window. Or enjoying the innocent laughter of random genetically unrelated children smashing your figurine collection. Or how the presence of your loved ones make you feel that nothing else in the whole entire world matters but them.

Your vacation has ended and your departure from paradise catapults you back to reality.

Some will say ‘we’ll always have paris’. But you – – – YOU will always have those hotel bottles of citrus scent shampoo and body wash proudly displayed on the bathroom cabinet. To remember the fun times. And to remind you that you could always bring a little piece of paradise, relive a little bit of the fantasy , and share a little bit of luxury to wherever home may be. J

One thought on “Paradise. And Beyond.

  1. My wifi didn’t work either! But unlike you, I didn’t think to call IT and just lived without internet for the day. ayayay.
    Ain’t it the truth? It’s hard to separate the ‘realities’ of vacation from the realities of life. Best of luck to ya Liz!

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