(LIE)zette.

Lie if you could. Lie if you must. Lie for me why don’t you.

Dear so-called friend. Sometimes really, You must think before you speak. In fact, think before you open your mouth. More so, think thoroughly before you even start thinking.

Now, how will I start? How do I even begin to tell you that there are some things better left unsaid. Some people best forgotten. Some events better not remembered. I’ll have you know how much it rips my heart apart to think of the shame, humiliation, fear, rejection, and failure i felt a couple of months back. i have tried my motherfucking best to get back up on my feet again. To be my old self again. To love my own self again. There are some days when I think I’m okay. Maybe i convince myself successfully in delusional random moments that I could easily erase that part of my life. I’d like to think that I’m gregariously happy. Or maybe I just like to pretend.

As much as I would like to lovingly share my life to the rest of the world, as you perceive my personality to be, it is the exact opposite that i hungrily crave for. Face it, please, because I have accepted it. I am no longer the same person I was a year ago, or on the day we met. I want to live quietly, peacefully, in a completely sheltered, shaded, cocooned,  controlled environment; in an entirely subdued, just me and family and friends kinda world. Believe me. I am so over my old life. So over the me-all-around-everywhere-with-everyone-doing-anything-at-anytime.

Even just thinking about doing those things all over again makes me tired. I have done everything humanly possible that is even remotely considered to insanity, promiscuity, success or everything else in between that and whatever.

Before, I wanted to make my mark on the world, to stand out from the human race. But I feel that I may have possibly already done that or I may have already gotten close to even the smallest fraction of that dream. And because of fortunate / unfortunate circumstances, I am tired of it. I am moving on. But I want to move on in my own quiet, subdued, precariously mundane ways. So please understand this. Please be the great friend that i truly hope you are. Please leave me out of your conversations. Or at least send me an invite so I could throw in a personal word or two.Please pretend that sometimes, i don’t exist. My life does not have to be made public but if you have intentions to, please send me prior notice. I don’t have to be different. And I don’t need you to fight my battles. Please let me be me. So PLEASE. Shut up. or Lie if you must.

and then what?

It started with , “hi!”

then, “I’ll call you when I get home?”

 

SIX MONTHS later: “Good morning.” Every single day.

then,  ” . . . I’m thinking of you.”

then, ” . . . I’m thinking of you.”

then, ” I miss you.”

 

TWELVE MONTHS later: ” You . . . more than enough.”

 

ONE YEAR later: ” I love you.”

then, ” I think I’ve found my match.”

then, ” I will love you forever.”

then, “Okay. Since you don’t believe in forever, I will love you for a long time.”

 

THREE MONTHS later: “Please believe in second chances. I’m sorry.”

then, “Love me always.”

then, “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

then, “I do.”

 

So what comes after I do?

Reasons why my mom is the world’s best mom.

Reasons Why My Mom is the World’s Best Mommy

1. Because she gave birth to ME… her smart, intelligent, superior IQ, uber cool daughter. Harhar.

2. Because she lives with the fact that she is the mother to a bratty, messy kid named Jizelle. Ahahahahaha.

3. Because she cooks the best spaghetti, kinilaw, champorado, ginabot…. ok. Well. She cooks the best everything.

4. When i was 7, she taught me to play cards. Good thing i didn’t mutate into a reckless gambler.

5. When i was 13, she came home one day and found my bedroom wall plastered with pictures of strange men from foreign countries and all she said was ‘Nice. Aren’t you going to put Leonardo di Caprio on your cabinet door too?’.

6. When i was 17, i dated a boy with long hair, scruffy beard, multiple ear piercings and drove really fast cars. My dad wanted to roast him alive but my mom said she wanted to comb his hair and tie it into a clean ponytail.

7. When i was in college, my best friend and i usually took crazy spontaneous out of town trips and when i came back after weeks of not coming home, my mom would just say ‘Did you take any pictures?’.

8. Because she lets me and my friends drink ourselves to death and in the morning she’d feed the stupid, noisy ,hung-over kids a big breakfast feast without the usual stop-drinking momma litany.

9. Because she just lets me be. 🙂 because she lets me live my life the way i want to live it.

10. Because she lets us eat junk food. Better yet, she buys bags and bags of chips and chocolates until we actually get tired of eating it. Mommy is a gluttony advocate.

11. Because she’s friends with all my friends and likes recalling all the embarrassing better-forgotten incidents we got ourselves into.

12. Because she goes into instant shopping spree mode and we get to tag along! Yey!

13. Because she is Contemporary Cyber Supermom. She yells ‘it’s dinner time!’ on facebook. Coolness.

14. Because she treats Mike like he’s always been part of the family. Bought him a bed and built a cabinet so all of mike’s clothes would have a place of their own. haha.

15. Because even though i’m 27 and my sister is 24, we still crawl into her bed and she pretends we’re not huge and fat and big and ginormous. She should buy a bigger bed.

16. Because she accurately reads my mind. ESPP- extra sensory parental perception. Tsk tsk. Must control x-rated thoughts.

17. Because she acknowledges the fact that she is genetically mathematically incapacitated and she has passed this on to her daughters, she enrolled us in Kumon, paid for math tutors, bought me the most expensive scientific calculator money could buy and supported me through six failed college math courses.

18. Because she taught me badminton. The only sport i am actually great at.

19. Because there’s this space at the garage and i know she’s secretly preparing it in case i kill somebody in anger and rage and she’d help me chop, burn and bury the body. hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

20. Because when i was fourteen, i was a huge Spice Girl fan and she bought me elevator platform shoes so i could sing ‘Colors of the World, Spice up your Life’ in complete costume.

To my supermom, Happy mother’s day!